Did you ever lose a loved one? I lost two within six months of each other – my mother in November 2019 and my husband in May 2020.
My mother’s passing in the Philippines was devastating to me. I could not attend her funeral because my husband was nearing death himself. I could not leave him. My mother’s 1st death anniversary is coming soon in two weeks, and it brings tears to my eyes in unexpected moments. Now that I can go, the pandemic prevents me from going to visit her grave in the Philippines.
When my husband died, I always thought I was ready for the inevitable since he was very sick for five years. I found out it was not that easy.
After his death, there were so many things I had to deal with. I kept myself busy organizing the house to where it was before his illness. Then I had to deal with all the paperwork concerning social security, his will, and other tax and financial matters. For a while, I trudged along.
I started editing my old manuscript to keep me busy – the last one I did for the NaNoWriMo in 2017. After I was done with it, I asked an old friend to help me read it and see what he thinks of it. That helps tremendously. If you are reading this, BP, thank you very much, and I mean it sincerely. I joined the NaNoWriMo again this November to give me something to do.
When my husband got sick, I slowly abandoned all my charity work and devoted myself to taking care of him. He was my charity.
When he became bedridden, I didn’t go anywhere because I could not leave him alone. I worked doubly hard as a caregiver.
When he died in May this year, we were already into the pandemic, and social distancing was already the norm. So I continued isolating myself. I’m so used to it that it did not bother me initially, but I believe deep down, it did.
I tried listening to music, mostly classical and ballads, when I’m alone. It soothes my soul and helps me cope with my grief. I even started to teach myself how to play the piano again. It helps a little bit. Music is a great equalizer.
I don’t know what happened to me yesterday and today. I could not stop crying. I have not cried this hard since the funeral parlor’s people took my husband’s body away for cremation, and I said my final farewell. I could not even go to the funeral parlor because of the Covid-19 restriction.
All these months, I thought I’m fine, but I guess not. It was all bottled up inside me.
I don’t know what hits me this week. I feel miserable, and yesterday and today were the worst.
I don’t know if it is the pandemic, the election, the veterans’ day, or just being alone and isolated for almost six years. Maybe it’s a combination of everything around me. Most likely, it’s my mother’s death anniversary causing it. I miss her terribly.
I feel all alone all of a sudden. Yes, my son is in residence, but he works all day. Maybe I need someone to talk to besides Skipper, my son’s dog, and a shoulder to cry on.
Usually, I keep my feelings to myself. Today, I feel a need to share it and get it off my chest. It helps ease the pain.
Thank you for reading.
4 thoughts on “How do You Deal with Grief?”
Sometimes talking about it helps.
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Thank you, GP. I just don’t know what happened. I can’t stop crying. I’m falling apart which is not like me.
I am sorry for you. I lost my father and brother 6 months apart. One of the downsides of getting old is losing people you care about. Most days life goes on. Sometimes something will trigger a memory of someone that has gone. It’s a mix of many emotions; being grateful to the sadness for bringing memories back, a little bit of anger about what if and why… Occasionally a sad forbidden desire to join them. Scripture assures an eternal life with Our Lord, so we go on. Staying close to the living around us seems to be the best thing you can do.
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Thank you, Walter. I talked to a couple of friends who said basically the same thing you said. Something must have triggered it that I suddenly found myself crying. I’m sure it will get easier as time goes by.